Easier Said Then Done

Let's try this again! It has been quite a year for me. I have always been "tough". Or so I thought. I truly am happy making others happy. But I found out that I gave myself away and lost who I was by trying to do the right thing, or the best thing for everyone else. Which was really just away for me to ignore what I thought or felt. I've learned that all my years of being a shoulder for everyone else, trying to be "tough" I just buried all my own issues. I know it sounds so stereo typical. But it was true for me, and I have had to face my past, things I thought didn't bother me anymore. Now I am truly trying to work on myself, be happy with me. Easier said then done. But I am going to try. That said, I have gained my weight back and am going to really try hard to become a healthier me... I've have joined some friends at work and we are doing biggest loser. Hopefully that will be a kick start for me.
So now, according to my scale at home, I am back up to 238, I will weigh in on Monday's and try and keep you posted. Wish me luck AGAIN!

How to Change

If you know me very well, you know that I have lost people that I love. It has been 20 years since my little sister Jamie died and today makes it 13 years since one of my best friends Shanny died. Death is always one of the things that is brought up as a cause for weight gain, and not being able to get it off. But even if I think that is a cause... how do I fix it? I can't bring them back. I feel like I have accepted their gone, so what do I do? It is so hard to get in the mind set of working out and eating right. I can do it for a while, but a little detour and I am right back where I started. So low self esteem mixed with losing loved ones equals over weight. So I ask again... if this is my problem. How do I fix it?

Back at it...

Okay, Okay... leave me alone! So I got pretty sick. It lasted for about 2 months, I would try to get on the treadmill and would just start hacking. Talk about a DE-motivator. So then I got back into the routine of not working out. Here we go again... I haven't weighed myself because I don't dare, I am sure that I have gained most, if not all of it back. I did get on the treadmill last night and I am going to try and get back into a routine. But I am headed out of town tomorrow after work, so don't look for an update on Friday. Good Luck to me again...

Sorry All...

I hate to not have any good updates but this week is not going so good either... Chris finally just took the keys and drove me to the doctor... I have bronchitis!! Wahoo for me! I have a really hard time breathing, so working out has been out of the question. I did start on a Z Pack so I hope to be good to go soon.

Not Today

I have been sick all week this week. I haven't worked out since Monday, and I have just been laying around all week. So... I have decided not to weigh in today. I don't think I could handle the results, whatever they may be. If I've gained, I'll be upset. If I've lost I'll be upset because I didn't do anything! And if I have stayed the same... well you get the idea. Chris is taking off for the weekend so I am hoping just to get a lot of rest and get over it so I can kick it in the butt next week!

1 more...

Honestly I was expecting more this week, but I'll take it.

I knew it...

A whole lotta nothin'... I realized something this week. I am killing myself trying to get this weight off. I want it to happen so fast that I am stressing out way to much about it. And why? I don't want to be embarrased about not losing anything. I don't have a deadline, I'm doing this for me! It isn't like my job depends on how fast I can lose weight, and of course Chris isn't pressuring me to do it. He loves me the way I am. It is all me getting inside my own head. And I need to stop. We'll see what happens.

Something Positive

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I am a little nervous because I have had a bad week, and I know stress can do crazy things to your body. I didn't miss any workouts or anything, but I have just been off. But today on my way home from work I stopped at Kohls to look for shoes. (because I have a monster dog that has decided that these make for the best chew toys). But just for kicks I went into the clothes. I tried on a pair of size 16 pants... AND THEY FIT! I was kind of stoked. They did show a little more definition then I would like in the back, but they fit! Of course I didn't buy anything, but it is nice to know that when I am ready to, I will actually have a selection of clothes. Not just the 5 grandma shirts and 2 styles of pants that are in the Plus Size section. :)

One of those Days

So I am having kind of a downer day... one of those days where I just want to go to the store and buy something from the bakery and then of course I will regret it right after eating it. My mom and I went to the Gym this morning (by the way she is down 12 lbs... way to go mom). We hit the treadmills and then went and swam afterwords. But seeing some of the people there, really made me realize that I have a long way to go. I know I am on my way there but I am starting to get frustrated. I feel like I am working harder then the results I am getting. And I am such a picky eater that food is starting to really bore me too. There are only so many things that I will eat and I'm tired of eating them. I want a big bowl of spaghetti noodles smothered in butter and salt, with garlic bread and chocolate cake! But if I do that, next week you will see me complaining about gaining a pound! I am not really looking for encouragement here I just wanted to vent for a second!

1 lb.

Not really worth mentioning...

Getting inside my head...

So, I am going to reference the biggest loser again… sorry I love it and it inspires me. But one thing that bugs me is they talk about getting inside their heads and finding out why they have gotten so heavy and every time they make someone cry I think what would I say when they are breaking me down… I don’t know what deeper issues I have. I guess my big issue has always been my weight. My sister brought something up today that really made me think about it. Growing up I was always the bigger one. I could always wear my older sister’s clothes, which made for a variety of outfits but that meant I was big. When I was 13 years old I threw a “tantrum” in the Fred Meyer, and my sisters love to tell this story. My mom said that she was going to leave me in the store… and did. I am very stubborn and I stayed in the store and cried. But this was the first time in my life that I had actually passed up my sisters; I am 3 years younger then Lisa and 5 years younger then Kristie. And I had to buy a 33 inch waist, which neither of them wore. I didn’t have pants that fit and my mom said that I could only have one, which would have meant I only had one pair of pants that fit me. So then she gave in and bought a second pair. But I always had really low self esteem, even at my smallest, I was the biggest of both my friends and my family; and I guess I thought that if I had nice clothes people wouldn’t notice. Still to this day I like to buy nice stuff, I feel better about myself; it cheers me up. Not clothes… but cars or toys… I have a nice 4 wheeler and a nice 5th wheel. I don’t do it to be better then anyone, I do it to make myself feel better. Does that make sense?

2 is better than 1

2 More pounds... Slowly but surely. And I am officially at my lowest weight in years! If you read my first post you know that I was down to 208 when I lost motivation. I am now at 207. And can't wait to get below that 200 mark! My drivers license says 170... I got it when I was 20 years old. (and I am sure I lied then) but wouldn't it be nice to actually weigh what it says?

Idiot

So it has been a month since I started all of this and all I can say is that I am an idiot!! Why did I ever stop in the first place? It has been a lot of hard work to get back down to where I was. And of course, where would I have been if I never stopped? I am dissapointed, I could have been a lot closer to my goal. So for those of you that are thinking you want to start something... DO IT! You will kick yourself for not doing it sooner. All of those months telling myself that I have to get started again were just wasted time. "Tomorrow" turned into 6 months and this month I lost 6 lbs... that's 36 lbs, I could have lost!!! Like I said, I'm an idiot!

Better than Nothin'

A little bummed but 209...

Nothing New for Me

Sorry all, nothing too exciting happening to report for myself, but I can for someone else... My mom has been following and decided to go gung ho, herself. Sunday was her weigh in day and she lost 4 lbs!!! Good job mom. I'm proud of you.
She said that she gives me the credit. But I know that it is so hard to make yourself workout everyday, and choose not to eat that second pop-tart because they are 200 calories each! So I told her it was all her!

Hope for weeks to come

After last weeks lack of weight loss, I was really nervous to get on the scale. I worked hard again this week and ate well. I had a really good work out last night at water aerobics. We did intervals so there was a lot of cardio and keeping my heart rate up. It was a good "last chance workout"! So I hope this is the start of a pattern of the weeks to come. I lost 2 lbs and am down to 210!

The Gym

Well I wasn’t planning on joining a Gym, I was going to use the equipment that I have at home and go to water aerobics on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s. I used to be a member at the West Valley Family Fitness Center but I live in a very crowded city with lots of kids. So it was packed all of the time. And not just with adults wanting to work out. It was like a giant playground, so there were kids running around everywhere, and if you have kids maybe it works great for you, but it makes me not want to go. Anyway... my office is doing a “Cut the Fat” campaign with Gold’s Gym. And they are paying for half of our memberships, which is a great deal… and it is a month to month thing so I can cancel anytime. So… I am officially a member at Gold’s. But you can bet, I won’t be posting “Off to the gym” or “I’m headed to workout”, I don’t know why, but that is a huge pet peeve of mine. It seems like we live in an overweight world and everyone is always at the gym. How does that work? :) If you are one of those people that post that on Facebook all the time. I still love you; please don’t take it personal, it’s just one of those things that make me roll my eyes. And I am by no means calling you overweight either; I just don’t care if you are headed to the gym! But maybe I’ll see you there!

The Week 2 Curse!

For those of you who follow The Biggest Loser know what this is. For those of you who don’t… on week 1 the contestants always lose amazing amounts of weight then come week 2 they don’t lose anything. They put up very small numbers if any, even though they worked out just as hard if not harder than the first week.
I weighed in this morning at 212, I am frustrated because I know I worked out harder and watched what I ate, and I realize I am training my body for change, but it is still hard. And I don’t want to hear that muscle weighs more then fat, I feel that I worked hard enough that I should have lost more fat then gained muscle.
I made the mistake of weighing in yesterday too… and yesterday I was at 213, I should really know better but I couldn’t help it, then when we went to water aerobics last night the instructor was sick, so they let us use the pool for free for 45 minutes, but we were on our own. So I didn’t get the workout I would have liked; especially knowing today would be my weigh in day and that would make last night my “last chance workout”. So I came home and hit the treadmill for a mile and did 100 steps on my climber.
I am trying to stay positive and think about the end result… I may have lost this weeks battle but I’m going to win the war!

No Excuses

So, I went to Water Aerobics tonight with Dana, my Mother-in-Law... her first time back after knee surgery! Good Job Dana!! I also conned one of my co-workers into coming. Well not so much conned, as said "hey the pool I go to is by your house if you want to come." and she said yes... I am glad you came Amber! This is also my friend who's mom had some suggestions for my blog... but Lori was sick tonight so Amber didn't think she would be able to make it. But when we got there. Both Amber and Lori were already there, sickly and all! I am glad you guys came and I hope you enjoyed yourselves!

Too Out Of Shape

My senior year in high school, I worked out A LOT, I can remember having to take a fitness test for P.E. and push-ups were part of it. I was so upset that the teacher let everyone do "girl" push-ups because I never did girl push-ups. I did real push-ups and could probably out do a lot of the boys...
One of my friends at work gave me an awesome Christmas present... he paid his trainer at Irockfitness to do 4 Saturday classes for his staff, and he was nice enough to include me... Well I about died trying to do girl push-ups! I think most of us did. But I had to keep stopping because I couldn't do pretty much everything he had us do. But I am excited to see by the last week what a difference it will be. As long as I stick to a routine at home during the week. Thanks again Felipe!