I knew it...

A whole lotta nothin'... I realized something this week. I am killing myself trying to get this weight off. I want it to happen so fast that I am stressing out way to much about it. And why? I don't want to be embarrased about not losing anything. I don't have a deadline, I'm doing this for me! It isn't like my job depends on how fast I can lose weight, and of course Chris isn't pressuring me to do it. He loves me the way I am. It is all me getting inside my own head. And I need to stop. We'll see what happens.

Something Positive

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I am a little nervous because I have had a bad week, and I know stress can do crazy things to your body. I didn't miss any workouts or anything, but I have just been off. But today on my way home from work I stopped at Kohls to look for shoes. (because I have a monster dog that has decided that these make for the best chew toys). But just for kicks I went into the clothes. I tried on a pair of size 16 pants... AND THEY FIT! I was kind of stoked. They did show a little more definition then I would like in the back, but they fit! Of course I didn't buy anything, but it is nice to know that when I am ready to, I will actually have a selection of clothes. Not just the 5 grandma shirts and 2 styles of pants that are in the Plus Size section. :)

One of those Days

So I am having kind of a downer day... one of those days where I just want to go to the store and buy something from the bakery and then of course I will regret it right after eating it. My mom and I went to the Gym this morning (by the way she is down 12 lbs... way to go mom). We hit the treadmills and then went and swam afterwords. But seeing some of the people there, really made me realize that I have a long way to go. I know I am on my way there but I am starting to get frustrated. I feel like I am working harder then the results I am getting. And I am such a picky eater that food is starting to really bore me too. There are only so many things that I will eat and I'm tired of eating them. I want a big bowl of spaghetti noodles smothered in butter and salt, with garlic bread and chocolate cake! But if I do that, next week you will see me complaining about gaining a pound! I am not really looking for encouragement here I just wanted to vent for a second!

1 lb.

Not really worth mentioning...

Getting inside my head...

So, I am going to reference the biggest loser again… sorry I love it and it inspires me. But one thing that bugs me is they talk about getting inside their heads and finding out why they have gotten so heavy and every time they make someone cry I think what would I say when they are breaking me down… I don’t know what deeper issues I have. I guess my big issue has always been my weight. My sister brought something up today that really made me think about it. Growing up I was always the bigger one. I could always wear my older sister’s clothes, which made for a variety of outfits but that meant I was big. When I was 13 years old I threw a “tantrum” in the Fred Meyer, and my sisters love to tell this story. My mom said that she was going to leave me in the store… and did. I am very stubborn and I stayed in the store and cried. But this was the first time in my life that I had actually passed up my sisters; I am 3 years younger then Lisa and 5 years younger then Kristie. And I had to buy a 33 inch waist, which neither of them wore. I didn’t have pants that fit and my mom said that I could only have one, which would have meant I only had one pair of pants that fit me. So then she gave in and bought a second pair. But I always had really low self esteem, even at my smallest, I was the biggest of both my friends and my family; and I guess I thought that if I had nice clothes people wouldn’t notice. Still to this day I like to buy nice stuff, I feel better about myself; it cheers me up. Not clothes… but cars or toys… I have a nice 4 wheeler and a nice 5th wheel. I don’t do it to be better then anyone, I do it to make myself feel better. Does that make sense?

2 is better than 1

2 More pounds... Slowly but surely. And I am officially at my lowest weight in years! If you read my first post you know that I was down to 208 when I lost motivation. I am now at 207. And can't wait to get below that 200 mark! My drivers license says 170... I got it when I was 20 years old. (and I am sure I lied then) but wouldn't it be nice to actually weigh what it says?

Idiot

So it has been a month since I started all of this and all I can say is that I am an idiot!! Why did I ever stop in the first place? It has been a lot of hard work to get back down to where I was. And of course, where would I have been if I never stopped? I am dissapointed, I could have been a lot closer to my goal. So for those of you that are thinking you want to start something... DO IT! You will kick yourself for not doing it sooner. All of those months telling myself that I have to get started again were just wasted time. "Tomorrow" turned into 6 months and this month I lost 6 lbs... that's 36 lbs, I could have lost!!! Like I said, I'm an idiot!

Better than Nothin'

A little bummed but 209...

Nothing New for Me

Sorry all, nothing too exciting happening to report for myself, but I can for someone else... My mom has been following and decided to go gung ho, herself. Sunday was her weigh in day and she lost 4 lbs!!! Good job mom. I'm proud of you.
She said that she gives me the credit. But I know that it is so hard to make yourself workout everyday, and choose not to eat that second pop-tart because they are 200 calories each! So I told her it was all her!