Getting inside my head...

So, I am going to reference the biggest loser again… sorry I love it and it inspires me. But one thing that bugs me is they talk about getting inside their heads and finding out why they have gotten so heavy and every time they make someone cry I think what would I say when they are breaking me down… I don’t know what deeper issues I have. I guess my big issue has always been my weight. My sister brought something up today that really made me think about it. Growing up I was always the bigger one. I could always wear my older sister’s clothes, which made for a variety of outfits but that meant I was big. When I was 13 years old I threw a “tantrum” in the Fred Meyer, and my sisters love to tell this story. My mom said that she was going to leave me in the store… and did. I am very stubborn and I stayed in the store and cried. But this was the first time in my life that I had actually passed up my sisters; I am 3 years younger then Lisa and 5 years younger then Kristie. And I had to buy a 33 inch waist, which neither of them wore. I didn’t have pants that fit and my mom said that I could only have one, which would have meant I only had one pair of pants that fit me. So then she gave in and bought a second pair. But I always had really low self esteem, even at my smallest, I was the biggest of both my friends and my family; and I guess I thought that if I had nice clothes people wouldn’t notice. Still to this day I like to buy nice stuff, I feel better about myself; it cheers me up. Not clothes… but cars or toys… I have a nice 4 wheeler and a nice 5th wheel. I don’t do it to be better then anyone, I do it to make myself feel better. Does that make sense?